Rick Santorum, fashion icon

I wore a pair of leggings this week for the first time in almost twenty years. I was forced to buy them because I am too lazy to shave my legs in these winter months and was becoming increasingly concerned that my Pilates teacher was getting splinters every time he attempted to tuck my legs behind my ears.

Now that I’m wearing them, it seems that everyone is wearing them. I’d just never really noticed before. Of course I would never wear them in public – it still feels as if I have forgotten to put my skirt on – but others have no qualms; yesterday, I counted eleven women and two men wearing them.

Why am I gibbering on about leggings? I’ll tell you why. Because as I was pulling them on this morning, I heard Rick Santorum on the radio and suddenly I understood. Forget about his famous sweater vests, they can kiss my beautiful ass (but not as softly as a pair of leggings can, blimey they’re soft). With his sweater vests, Rick has been distracting us from the truth: if the Republican candidates are leisure wear, Rick would be a pair of leggings.

Rick has been ignored for years yet has suddenly emerged as a staple item in the fashion catalogue of political goodies. And as young as he seems, his views go back centuries to when leggings first made their appearance on the mud and straw catwalk.

Look at the other options stashed in the Republican closet. Mittens Romney is the pair of Mom jeans that you wear only as a last resort when everything else is in the washing basket; Newt is the pair of khaki slacks that you’ve had for years and can’t bring yourself to throw out, even though you know you should; and Ron Paul is the rather patchy pair of draw-string trousers, just a little too short at the ankle, that you’ll end up using to clean the windows. Rick is the perfect legwear for hardcore Republicans who strive to hide all the wrinkly, knobbly, distasteful bits with a dangerously smooth layer of cottony-soft fabric, so smooth in fact that you won’t notice (if you are a sexually active, unmarried woman) that the material is slowly creeping around your undercarriage until it snaps shut with a medieval clunk and you realise that you can’t take them off and are stuck in them for the next four years. Which is what will happen if Rick becomes the nominee and then somehow beats Obama in November.

Of course there’s more chance of me sleeping with Ryan Gosling than that happening. But the rise in Rick’s popularity has given the GOP core base sudden hope that they may not have to settle for Mittens after all. And if that were to happen, moderate Republicans might as well give up and go home now because, as much as Rick’s policies have gained traction in certain quarters, I just can’t believe that the majority of Americans can stomach such extreme views.

At least I hope they can’t. Because Rick Santorum is an ultra-conservative who condemns what he believes are severe restrictions on individual liberties by the federal Government and yet decries the freedom for women to make their own decisions about their bodies, their future. He is against marriage equality and gay rights, sees contraception as a license for wild, sexual abandon (yeah I wish), thinks man-made global warming is a hoax, believes radical Islamists are rampaging through Central America, sees gays and lesbians serving openly in the military as a ‘distraction’, and has accused Obama of a war on religion so vicious that it will inevitably lead to a French revolution-style manning of the tumbrels. I could go on about his opposition to health care reform and proposed cuts to social security but why should I have all the fun? Go Google it.

Just one per cent of the population in Maine came out to vote in the recent GOP caucus. That’s 5,585 people. One per cent.

Look at this picture. LOOK AT IT. Is this what you want? A Santorum V Obama fight for the White House would be hilarious, but sad at the same time. Moderates need to get out and vote. Don’t make it too easy for Obama.

 

Advertisements

About hebe in dc

British Girl in Washington DC @hebeindc
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Rick Santorum, fashion icon

  1. Pingback: And the Rick Shall Rise Again « Tis Pity He's a Writer

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s